Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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