i used baking grease as lip gloss
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
