Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
