I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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