i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
