I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
