I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
