I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
