Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
