I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
