i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
