How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
sarcasm needs its own font
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
