kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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