He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
