I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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