worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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