and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
