to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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