Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
