just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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