her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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