if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
its not stalking. its research.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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