I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
