Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
