Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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