He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
