Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
