I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
