i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
