You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
