i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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