So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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