so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
