Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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