I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
