Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize