pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
