You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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