everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
