So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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