I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
