Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I need water and some morals
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Someone signed my nipple.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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