They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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