Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
