just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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