Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
