I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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