I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
