maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
