Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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