Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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