It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
you made out with another girl for some wings
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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