I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
