Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
