my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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