Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
