His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
