How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize