I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
