you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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