Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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