so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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