i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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