What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
