i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
the liver wants what the liver wants
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize