The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
