Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Randomize
