I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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