so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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