Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
