My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
