ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
