I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Sorry my hands just texted you
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
