Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
