atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
