you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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