I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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